you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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