After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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