Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
