hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
