i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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