Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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