it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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