I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
