her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
