so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
