Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
