bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
