before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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