we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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