He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
