Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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