Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize