yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
