Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
