you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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