Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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