I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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