Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
