When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
