I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
