can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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