it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
