So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize