you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
