He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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