We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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