Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize