I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
