i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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