I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
