well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
