you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
