I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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