she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
