My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
