you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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