He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
