even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
