# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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