6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
