Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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