Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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