I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
