The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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