I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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