watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
