remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
