Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
