i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
