Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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