i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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