I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
