If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
