This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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