No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just gargled with NyQuil
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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