All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
