I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
