he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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