I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
