accomplished twins. life is a go
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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