Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
