This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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