you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
